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When I Grow Up

Updated: Feb 15, 2023

When I was a child, I remember always finding funny when adults asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I would give them an answer; then in turn I asked what they want to be and they say something along the way “I’m still figuring it out.” As I child I thought that was the funniest joke ever, here I am almost three decades later feeling the full weight every adult’s response to that question.

The truth is I have a good working career, with great coworkers and boss, but I’m not satisfied there. I am currently working as the lead teacher in our 1yr old room at the daycare connected to a local parochial school. I love the atmosphere, I love my classroom, I love my kids, so what is missing? I’m not being true to myself. Sure, I was born and raised catholic, but anyone who knows me, understands that I have stepped out of that system of belief and into a spiritual journey much wholesome for my soul. I don’t believe one can really ascend to the truest self while following a doctrine. Life is meant to be about the journey, and I have journeyed beyond institutionalized religion and found peace within myself. But what has that got to do with my job?

Well, I don’t believe in “God the Almighty” anymore, I believe that we are all creators and we all, in the core of us, are part of the universal “creator.” I don’t like saying their prayers, which they ask to say in class, (yes even with one’s). I don’t like reading the bible stories or the catholic fictional books. Every time I read one, I feel like sand paper is be grated against me with every word I read out loud. I just feel “itchy” every time I’m there. So, then that leads me with, “What am I supposed to do with my life?”

Once again if you know me, you know that I have been trying to start my own tarot business now for almost four years, and I have never gotten farther than do a few paid readings for friends. But here I am again. Trying to give it another go. Though this time I wouldn’t say that I’m trying to be a professional tarot reader. I would tell you I am trying to be true to myself and right now tarot reading is where that leads too. I feel like tarot will just be the beginning of a transition into something else.

Who knows if I’m actually going to succeed this time, but I promise that will do my best and try. Not for any other reason than I owe to myself to be comfortable in my own skin as I live out my life the way I was intended too.

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