Updated: Feb 15
So, I’m really aggravated with myself right now. There is so much I wanted to have done by now. I wanted a routine or a schedule I was already utilizing for my business. I wanted my business to be making money and thriving by now. I wanted a lot of things.
The truth is I was trying too hard to get to the destination that I forgot all about the journey. Even though I know better I have a hard time not comparing myself to others, or the version of myself I create in my head. I’ve been wanting to make tarot my life now for three years, and I am just now getting to a point where I think I am truly ready to do that.
The truth is I always wanted to be someone who wasn’t me. I wanted to be someone who was responsible, carefree, independent, and reliable; the definition to me, of someone who has their life together. I never fit that image, and this business was supposed to put me in that image. Well like everything with tarot, I learned what I needed not what I wanted.
It took me three years to truly understand what it means to be me and be comfortable with who I am, no matter my image. Now this isn’t about just needing a confidence boost or learning to appreciate what I have. This was more about doing the hard stuff, and learning to love all the not so pretty things about my personality and being. Even typing it out sounds lame and truly undermines that amount of work I did to get myself to this point. I guess that’s part of the journey, going through experiences no one will understand but you because what you experienced is meant to be just that, personal. I’m not saying you can’t share those experiences, just know, those experiences are only going to have that deep profound meaning to you.
I’m writing this blog with a clean slate and starting fresh. I am going to build what I created, but I also be getting rid of the things I consider to be trash. Its still a cleansing process at the moment. But you go to start somewhere, right?