You know when you decide you want something and you’re really going to work hard towards it and then life happens? Yeah, that’s where I’m at, the life happening part. I told myself I was going to make a new “routine” for myself when I got home for work to help me towards my dream of being independently self-employed. Since then, I’ve been doing nothing but working overtime because of how short staffed we’ve recent became. And if I do get a day where I get off on time, I’m so exhausted from working over the other days all I can do is sleep.
Yes, there is a part of me that wants to tell myself just to push through the exhaustion it will be worth it, but that’s not true. My job is both physically and mentally taxing. I work toddlers and 1 or 2 by themselves isn’t too bad, but when you have 10-12 for 10hrs plus it gets draining very quickly. So, pushing through the exhaustion is a very unhealthy option. And yes, my boss is actively working to try and remedy the situation, she herself is also working a bunch of crazy hours along with some of my other co-workers, so no I’m not alone in this struggle. It’s just that this struggle is making it hard for me to focus on what I really want to focus on.
The truth is, I’m just frustrated. I feel like every time I want to make a change in my life, I get a ton of push back. Which yes, could be the universes way of telling me I’m not ready. But this has been happening almost my whole life, with any positive change I try to make. So personally, I feel like there is more to this lesson/challenge. Yet I sit here, even more uncertain and unsure as to what that could be. Maybe instead of screaming and shouting, or crying and avoiding, I should just try to listen. I feel like I’ve tried it in the past, but whose to say it won’t hurt to try again?