Well after much distraction and even more excuses I finally finished my study of the suit of cups. And what stood out to me was how much I knew on my own and how well it all made sense once I calmed my mind down. Yes, this is something that I already and always do during a tarot reading, but I usually have an extreme sense of doubt after the reading is over and want to go back over and analyze the whole reading to make sure I have everything correct.
During this study of suits, I realized I already knew the “thing” I was looking for. I was looking to gain more understanding and clarity into the cards, when in truth I already have the understanding and clarity, I just need to lean into it and believe in myself. This also ties in a little with my last blog about letting go of fear. Truth is, I was telling myself I needed to improve more because I haven’t “met the standard” needed to move forward.
It really is the little bits of fear that hold you back, more than the bigger moments. It takes more courage for me to say I know my cards well, than it does for me admit I need help. Believing in myself is one of the hardest things I have ever done. It’s harder than getting behind the wheel of my car after my first big wreck. Its harder than leaving a toxic relationship that I have invested many years of my life too. It’s even harder than admitting I’m wrong. Believing in myself feels like raw vulnerability with every step feeling everything around me. All my sense being aware and alert, and I have to remind myself that I am brave and that I can do the things I want, because those things are me.