So, what have I been doing? Well, I’ve been trying to do my best with everything that has been coming my way. I can’t say I have been strictly focusing on Tarot, because I haven’t. Truth though, I have been focusing on balance and doing what needs to be done. I have to say, although I want to feel like it has not been enough, I am proud of myself for keeping balance a priority. Balancing my life and priorities is a real struggle for me. I would rather do nothing than focus my attention on the wrong things. Which in turn paralyzes me from doing anything, and then nothing gets done.
This is something I have been working on for years, and I must say I have made tremendous progress. I have adopted the motto “progress is progress no matter how small,” (thank you Dr. Seuss for that inspiration) and this motto was an eye opener and game changer. When I was too depressed to do all the dishes, I would get myself to do just a few. I would remind myself that something was better than nothing and it was still progress and I could be proud of that. Or even with decluttering my office (which had turned to the catch all for things needing a home), I would just do my best to do a little bit and then walk away if the anxiety became too much. What mattered was that I was making progress.
Now, I am doing much better at accomplishing things and finishing projects, but every time I do, I completely ignore/neglect some part of my life. Then I have to spend even more energy playing catch up for whatever I have been neglecting, and that amount of work grossly over shadows my pride of the original accomplishment. So needless to say, working on balance, is a huge thing for me.
I am learning that I have to be more fluid in my way of living when it comes to how I structure my own life habits and responsibilities, (which is ironic if you understood my go with the flow personality). My obstacle was thinking that keeping up a home was a static activity. That you allotted a certain amount of energy/time to an activity and that meant it was done for the day. Imagine my aggravation as an adult when I learned that wasn’t true. But this also led me to believe that I wasn’t doing things right. I wasn’t cleaning right, or I wasn’t cooking right, or I wasn’t getting the right groceries. What was hard for me to learn, was there is no “right” way to be an adult. I would try to do what my friends would do, but that never worked for me. So, I had to find my own way, and eventually I did, and that path has led me to where I am now.
A place where I do things my way, even if it seems unconventional to others. I don’t worry so much about the process being right, just as long as I’m honest with myself while getting the outcome that is needed. This means I might need to walk away from the dishes three different times before they are finished. This means I might have to run the dishwasher even if its not full. This means I might just have to only put half of my laundry away today and the rest tomorrow. All of those things are ok and they help keep me balanced. What matters is that I am working on it which was one of the hardest lessons for me to learn.
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